Opening the Door

"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. (Rev 3:20 NLT)

Maybe you can relate. Sometimes I’m excited to open the door of our home, particularly if the person on the other side is a friend or family member. I know that they won’t judge me harshly. I know they care about me, more than they do my interior decorating, housekeeping, or culinary skills. But I’m all-too-familiar with another feeling that often rises in me when the doorbell rings and the dog begins barking. It’s a conflicted mixture of nervous expectation, anxiety, and fear. I want to make sure all the mess is hidden and only the most tasteful accessories are in view, as if I’m staging my life for potential buyers. Even then, I fear that my best efforts won’t be enough, that there will, invariably, be something that I’ve forgotten to consider - that somehow my house will offer clues that will lead to my inner life being exposed and critiqued.

This leads me to ask myself how I feel about opening the door of my heart to God when I hear Him knocking. What kind of Person do I see Him as? If I’ve been in the habit of ‘keeping it real’ with Him about who I am, I eagerly swing the door open. I know that He wants to be with me at least as much as I want to be with Him. I’m not worried about the mess.

But there are other days, when I hear the doorbell ring, God is on the doorstep, and the anxiety begins to rise. I'm not sure what He'll think when He comes in. My impulse is to scurry around the house, making sure all the messy bits are tucked away, the air smells fresh, and to leave out only things that create the illusion of calm, clean, inviting comfort. I toy with the idea that maybe I can fool God into believing my ‘instagram feed’ life.

But I know it won’t work. I know that my life with God is not based on an image I try to project. It’s based on the real me and the real Him. I can’t pretend. I do so desperately want to share a meal with Him, as friends. So I have to learn to be honest and transparent. No matter what the accomplishment or failure was, today is a new day to be real and honest with God about my mess. I simply don’t have the power to clean myself up first, before I open the door.

So I invite Him in, to sit at the table with me, mess and all. There I learn to be at home in our friendship, shown to me simply by the fact that He came to my door and knocked, because He wants to be with me. When I let the good, sweet truth of that, sink in, it changes me. I’m exposed, but it’s ok. It’s ok because His heart is good.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer 29:11 NIV) (They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (NLT))

And after the meal I venture to ask: God, will you please help me clean my house? I’m tired and tomorrow’s another busy day.