Shhh, You'll Scare the Fish!

AUGUST 20, 2018

I spent the last couple hours of daylight today, at Ken Lockwood Gorge with Hunter and Finn. Hunter fished and I wandered around along the river with Finn, taking pictures, watching the way the light played on the water and listening to the sound of the water rushing over the rocks in the river bed.


I had been meandering along the river with the dog for quite awhile and was considering going back to the truck to read, for the last bit of daylight. I had been quiet during my wanderings - stopping here and there for a view of the river and a quick photo. I made sure I kept Finn quiet when he barked at a passing dog. I didn’t want to disturb anyone’s fishing experience. I remembered all too well, when I was little, being shushed by my brother, while he was fishing. He convinced me that my talking on the shore of the fishing hole would scare all the catfish away. I imagined that perhaps the fishermen on the river today, including Hunter, shared those sentiments.

What is that lady doing walking around with that dog, making noise and scaring the fish?!

Before heading back to the truck I decided to risk the intrusion and call out to Hunter, who was standing in the middle of the river. I wasn’t sure if the truck was unlocked or not and wanted to save myself the trip. I cautiously called out to him to ask. He didn’t seem to acknowledge me so I shouted again, and made a motion of turning a key in the ignition. He looked over at me, then just looked back down and shook his head, (in annoyance ? ) and went on fishing.

Clearly, his response was a way of telling me that he couldn’t believe I was shouting. His body language said it all.

Can you stop hovering? I just want a little bit of peace and quiet to fish. Can you stop following me along the river taking pictures, and letting Finn splash around in the river? Just relax for awhile, and stop rushing me?

I was irritated! He wouldn’t respond to anyone else like that!, I reasoned. He was treating me like an annoying 5 year old. Why did he even want me to come out here with him anyway, if he was just going to be impatient and rude and ignore me? I immediately turned around and walked to the truck. I had had enough. I didn’t need to communicate with him if I was just going to be treated like a little pestering kid. I got to the truck (at least it was unlocked!) and sat inside and read for another 20+ minutes before he returned. Night was falling and fishing was done. He was happy and talkative. He had enjoyed his time in the river, even though he hadn’t caught anything. However, I was not going to let things slide. I had to know why he had treated me so rudely.

Why did you shake your head at me when I called out to you to ask whether the truck was unlocked? Were you really upset with me that I was making noise while you fished?!

He looked at me in bewilderment. What?...When?............Where? I repeated my question and described where in the river he was and where I had been standing when I called out to him. Again, a look of confusion. He did not recall me calling and asking him anything! He had been so engrossed in his fishing, and had likely been holding line in his teeth, preparing the fly for another cast when I called to him. He was completely unaware of my version of the story happening on the river bank.

I then began to tell him how I had perceived him to have responded to my call and my presence along the river. We began to laugh. My irritation slowly began to fall away as I realized how mistaken I had been. He had not responded to me out of malice or irritation or condescension, as I had imagined. As I told him how annoyed, hurt and resentful I had been, I realized that I had been remembering the way it had felt to me, when I was little and was told that I was in the way, while my brother was fishing. And then I had assumed that Hunter felt that way about me. I assumed that I was bothering everyone! I had been tiptoeing around, careful not to make any extra noise, so that the people fishing on the river wouldn’t find me annoying. How ridiculous it suddenly all seemed. My anger and hurt had been so misplaced. I had expended energy on something that was not even real. In the midst of an idyllic setting, I had allowed myself to spend some of the last minutes of forest daylight, not taking in the peaceful beauty of the gorge but, instead, resenting my husband, grumbling indignantly to myself about the way I perceived him to have treated me.

I wondered how many times I had done that, nursing the grudge, rather than ask about it and clear things up. How many other times had I misjudged the way my kids said something? In my friendships and acquaintances, how many times had I perceived a slight when there was none.

Assuming the worst about someone’s response, or lack thereof, I rob myself of present peace, by going over past offenses, real or imagined.

And I wonder if I do this with God. Do I attribute the imperfections of humanity to Him? Do I assume the worst about him? Do I assume that He’s angry or impatient or disgusted or annoyed with me? Do I avoid Him because I don’t think he wants me around? Do I stop talking to Him because I think he’s tired of hearing me talk? Do I stay away because I think he’s tired of having to concern himself with me?

The answer is, of course, yes. I do those things with others and I do those things with God. Tonight I realized that I want and need to stay focussed on what is really true. I want to show grace to others, and accept the fact that sometimes I get it really wrong. And I want to remind myself what God’s thoughts toward me really are. 

O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?

O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?

Have you never heard?

Have you never understood?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary.

No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak

and strength to the powerless.

-Isaiah 40:27-29

For his unfailing love toward those who fear him

is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

He has removed our sins as far from us

as the east is from the west.

The Lord is like a father to his children,

tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

For he knows how weak we are;

he remembers we are only dust.

But the love of the Lord remains forever

with those who fear him.

-Psalm 103:11-14, 17